With this entry, I risk suffering from Point Number Ten below, but here goes:
1. Posting quotations without crediting the author
At the very least, add on the bottom, “Not sure who said this; I’m too lazy to look it up, but not so much as to copy from somewhere and paste here.” Or was it omitted on purpose to impress us with your outstanding wit? At least a couple out of 478 friends will probably buy it, and I’m the the position to furtively follow it up with praise for the Dalai Lama.
2. Repasting warnings without verifying their validity
“Warning!!! The Facebook Page ‘Becoming A Father Or Mother Is The Greatest Gift Of My Life’ is created by pedophiles to gain access to kids’ photos!!!” Well, after a 5-minute check and after I commented with a link to the scamming prank, a friend of a friend replies, “You never know, just repost to be sure.” Really? Sharing false claims (even though you didn’t start it) is not sexy, people!
3. Repasting requests with a challenge and true-friendship-test stipulation
“Sadly, only 25% will copy and repaste this. If you are a true friend, share this with everyone you know!” Oh, the pressure… Well, I do believe in love, I deplore hunger and I wish for world peace. But, may I show it some other way and still be considered true?
Improper grammar and incorrect spelling do not always indicate lack of intelligence. That said, check your spelling before posting! After you have posted and realize you meant to type moron and not moran, hover on the upper right of the post, click on the X and you will be able to edit. But make it quick!
A post in all capital letters does not make the message stand out. In fact, it is a pain to read and will be skipped over.
There is no such word as irregardless. It’s spelled definitely, not definately. It’s is a contraction of it is, so do not say, I like it’s color. When in doubt, say it out loud. Would you say, I like it is color? No. It’s not: Had I known, I would of gone. It’s …I would have gone. There. I’ve said my piece (not peace).
Three dots has the same impact as 64 dots; the latter is spammy. That’s why “dot-dot-dot” is now colloquialism for the ellipsis, and not dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-and so on…
4. Singing status updates. A lot.
Unless you’re playing Name That Tune, stop it! Post lyrics to your own song, no matter how silly you think it is. The song you will release one day. It’s poetry.
5. Complaining of being over-tagged, wall-spammed, over-notified, over-apped
Please stop complaining. You can tweak these in your account settings. As with any free service, read up on it before using it. (But let’s be real, most of us learn as we go). If it doesn’t work the way they say it should work, then report it. Posting on your wall will not fix it; and will only make you look like a whining customer who is not eligible for a refund.
6. Useless, inane, provoking status updates
“I’m bored.” Then, why contaminate 478 other people with your boredom? Stop it! You are boring!
Expressions of anger directed to someone, but we will never know who.
To be honest, although I’m pretty sure I’m not the subject of said rant, it still bites. I recently had a friend who was asked by another whether or not the post was about her. Friend #1 said, “No, I like you! It’s someone whom I don’t care about!” Well, why post it then, since only friends can see it – and the spew-recipient shouldn’t be a friend anyway if she elicited those lava-laced words? Does anyone think Angry Words are just a way for people to show what they’re capable of feeling/doing and some kind of subliminal warning? I’m getting chills.
7. Posting what you’re eating at the very moment
Unless is slightly more exotic than a Big Mac® – say, a Burger 5000 at Fleur with a Check-In for proof – please include a photo and the recipe. It’s more educational that way.
8. Posting spoilers
“Was Tony Soprano snuffed when you hear the gun shot at the end of Don’t Stop Believin’? What do you think?” Are you kidding me? Do you think it’s sexy to be the first to know how it all ended and then share? No! Be forewarned: Do not go on Facebook on American Idol Finale night, The Bachelorette Final Two, etc. It might ruin your next nine months.
9. Attributing all unexplainable issues (and blunders) to being hacked
Nowadays, “I was hacked” seems to indemnify one from life imprisonment and purgatory thereafter. Let me demystify “hack”. As far as Facebook is concerned, most hacks belong to one of the following scenarios: Someone stole your password. You gave someone your password. You clicked on an interesting link and got enticed into some contest you have no chance of winning. Stop clicking links and entering your information on third-party sites even if they look like Facebook.
10. Happiness lies not in being befriended and “unfriended”
I have underestimated the impact of being removed from someone’s buddy list until it happened. After about seven minutes of ire, firing my Photoshop for a clever revenge scheme, I was over it. On the other hand, I have a few ignored friend requests – mostly because I think they just want to break the 5,000 limit before their buddies. Plus there’s my mantra of vis-a-vis beforehand. Face-to-face before Facebook! Let’s face it, 477 beautiful, interesting people ain’t shabby.
Last but not least: Complaining about all-of-the-above
I know. Perpetrators are in my Category D “friends” now. Oops, that’s Google+ jargon. Time to check my G+ stream.